Pushing the Button

Pushing the button --

Send, Buy, Accept --

will never be quite as exciting to me as closing the door to the mailbox.

But it's still exciting.





In the past two days, I've had several opportunities to push big buttons and feel that swirly in my stomach it can bring.

One group of big buttons I pushed are too personal to talk about, but they reminded me how scary it feels to send what's on your mind to someone you love.

Another big button push came when I hit SUBMIT in the eGMS Federal Government Report system (with 2 hours to spare on my deadline!) for the final report of the NEH grant project we've been working on since 2009. I only came on board for this one about 18 months ago, but they have been a packed 18 months. End result of all this work is the Chicago Foreign Language Press Survey. This is one of my favorite digital resources we've worked on. Where else can I come across a reference to the Roentgen Ray machine?

That button push reminded me what a relief it can feel to send something out. And also how frustrating it is to see typos, or poor choices of words, or things you want to change .. but it's too late.

The last big button push was a simple invitation to dinner to someone I don't know and didn't imagine, before yesterday, I might be sharing a roasted pig and beer with. That button push reminded me how funny and strange life is.

When you push the button, you can't go back and correct the typos.
When you push the button, you can't change the ideas.
When you push the button, you can't take it back.
When you push the button, you risk criticism and rejection.

I'm really close to finishing Volume One, Number One of my Museum of Round.

I think this weekend.

It's personal and weird and not at all how I imagined it looking in my head.

But it's mine and when it is done I am going to push the button.


In this case, I actually do get to close a door, to the Free Library Box.
I wonder how it's going to feel?